Writing 101 (or why I have a strange desire to share my feeeeeelings all over the Internet)

Now that I’ve made a personal commitment to writing and posting more on the blog, I figure I should probably take a step back and reevaluate my purpose.  That seems to be my task at hand lately – trying to focus and get it together, on this blog and pretty much in every facet of my reality. And in the process of juggling, I don’t know, LIFE, I’ve had to consider why I think I need to pour out my soul to the wise and wonderful internets. Because evidently I need to add one more thing to my to do list... (or perhaps I’m pensive because I’m trying to avoid all of the work that I really need to be doing right now…..) In any case, let’s chat a bit about why I (want to) write.


Let’s start with the name of the blog. If you are coming to this blog looking for a dose of Sunshine and Sassypants, clearly I have miscommunicated my purpose. Based on my past postings - Yikes. Can you say heavy, emotional, whiny, dramatic? Ain’t no sunshine when it rains, am I right? And sassypants? I’m hard pressed to find any sass, or reference to pants for that matter, on the few posts I’ve actually published. (see what I did there? With pressed? And pants? JScore one for sass! )  

In any case, I initially named the blog after my daughter, who is a million bazillion rays of sunshine and is a ginormous dose of sass. Both her ability to light up a room and leave us shaking our heads in either laughter, disbelief, or embarrassment are what fuel my desires to write. Thus, Sunshine and Sassypants was created.  Now I am met with the phenomenal task of filling this blog with quality, meaningful words. A challenging task indeed.

Currently I teach college freshmen how to compose cohesive, intellectual, communicative essays in an assortment of styles, colors, and shapes. Just kidding, kind of. I’m met with quite a few naysayers who refuse to take any interest in writing. So, when presented with that lovely challenge, I have to spin the purpose of the class and encourage the students to make some kind of connection with the material, with their writing, with life, etc. And, I strongly believe that if you can write well, you can communicate well, and vice versa. More importantly, I require challenge them to step out of their comfort zones. Easy peasy, right?

Nope. It’s a struggle to say the least – for them and for me. Most recently, I asked my students to consider a career, or something that they would love to do, but won’t, in extreme fear factor bucket list fashion. If education, time, money, life were not important, what would they do/think/see/be? And then, in classic “yay my students are actually listening to me” mode, they turned the question back on me. And y’all, I was speechless. Not because I didn’t know, but because I didn’t want to answer. You see, being a writer shouldn’t be an arduous task for an English major. The words should flow fluently and effortlessly. Besides that, really? Writing is my outlandish, never going to happen fantasy career? My students would laugh in my face. Broadway dancer, flying trapeze artist, stilt walker – those are exciting outlandish ideas. But writing? Too safe.

(Before we go further, I should clarify first that I have issues and I may or may not live 92.6% of my life in denial. Just sayin.)

So, let’s talk about writing and why I haven’t taken the plunge. I’ve always had a problem with journaling because if I physically write my thoughts – happy/sad/in between – on paper, then that means that those things, those thoughts really happened. And not only did they happen, but I have just now revealed those said thoughts to everyone!  Not only that, I have just documented those thoughts. Someone can essentially read my mind. And, more importantly….judge. (Issues – what did I tell you.) And, trying to explain this to a group of college freshmen who judge you every class meeting is not on the top of my list of things to accomplish. Instead, I’ll just hide behind my computer screen and share with y’all! Oh, lucky you. J

Writing this blog and putting myself out there is definitely outside my comfort zone. Despite what my husband might argue, I don’t usually like for things to be about me……Okay, so maybe I do like some attention (who doesn’t), but I don’t like to draw attention to myself on purpose. Every time I write a new post and hit the publish button, I get physically ill for a moment because I have just shared my mind with the WORLD!!!!! Who will judge me!!!!!! I feel naked and totally exposed. Perhaps I could alleviate this anxiety by dialing down my emotions and not posting so many drama-laden posts. But, in my defense, I also encourage my students to write about what they know. And, therefore, I should practice what I preach, right?  Apparently what I know at this moment in my life is drama and emotion, with maybe a sprinkle of love and laughter. Yep, I'll just be over here. with my heart. resting on my sleeve. and with tissues. lots of tissues. J

Regardless, every post I publish will put me one step closer to moving out of my comfort zone – something I desperately need. I need this blog because I need validation. I need someone to read these thoughts from my head and tell me “yep, you are crazy” or “hey, I feel the exact same way!” or even both – strength in numbers is always good. J More importantly, I’ve found that drama thrives on the cushy warm space in my brain and will settle in, expanding, exaggerating, maybe even blowing a few ideas out of proportion. (Again, don’t ask my husband, I can’t admit he’s right. J) So, me writing these wonderfully insightful personal, raw, reflective thoughts is my way of getting those ideas out of my brain. Which, in turn, I can review and say “hmmm, totally blew that one out of proportion”, or “huh, guess I am really am whiny and dramatic”, or even “Score! Those feelings are absolutely justified! Winner right here!”

If you could, bear with me please as I blast my journey all over the interwebs. Tell me I’m crazy. Or that I’m not.  Look for a random, lost ray of sunshine in the midst of my drama. Find humor in something. Connect in some way. Reflect. At the least, take just one thing from this particular post full of rambling - think about your own comfort zone. What would you do if you could put yourself out there – free from fear of judgment? We all have an important story to tell, an important journey to travel. Make the most of it, make a connection, and make it exciting. Life is good. Y