Everything is Different...

Currently our (re Cadyn's) favorite Pandora station is the Disney station featuring songs from classic movies, including princesses, monsters, and lions. (Side note here – Pandora, thanks for playing inappropriate commercials discussing different types of sexual acts on a kids' radio station. No, my child will not be watching the new season of Girls. Thanks anyway!)

I have always said that the world would be a sad, sad place if we didn't have music – both the instrumental and the lyrics. Music is such a powerful thing! I mean, this Pandora station has taught me to feel the love tonight, go the distance, be prepared, have no worries, contemplate my reflection, paint with all the colors of the wind, listen to nature, and my personal favorite, finally see the light. With that bunch of wisdom on repeat, I think we are all set for lessons in life!

So, let's talk about this seeing the light thing. Make no mistake, Disney's Tangled is my favorite Disney movie. Something about when the parents are reunited with Rapunzel at the end, definitely makes me have “allergies” and feel all warm and fuzzy inside. As I look at my last (only) entry on this blog, I think about how I had big plans to start anew, move forward, be positive, etc. But, everything I wrote just seemed depressing and sad. I’ve tried to get back into the blogging world as of late, and have about 10 posts started but not finished. My problem? I went back and read them. Can you say Depressing? Apparently I write the most when I am troubled or emotional or feeling sorry for myself. Yuck. And, since the blog has Sunshine in the title, it should be somewhat uplifting, no? I set a goal and let life struggle get in the way. Although...there can be something somewhat therapeutic about reading your past words. Maybe perspective? If someone described me as whiny, selfish, jealous, or emotional, I would be devastated! (should I go back and add dramatic to the list as well?) Of course I think I am none of these things. But then I read things I’ve written and yep, guilty. I whine, I cry, I throw out a “that’s not fair” every now and then. Where is that light I’m supposed to be seeing again?

I wrote the following on March 22, never posted it because, well, it's just whiny:

My devotional for today tells me to rejoice and be thankful – with an exclamation point, no less. Of course, as experience shows, these devotionals tell me what I need to hear, but of course not what I want to hear. The entry goes on to advise “rather than planning and evaluating, practice trust and thanking Me continually.” Sometimes I feel that my body and my heart are just not on the same page and that my body must have some kind of vendetta against me. And for this I am supposed to be thankful, trusting and rejoice? Yeah, not really feeling it. I’ve mentioned before that we would like love for Cadyn to have a sibling, but my body thinks it needs special, expensive attention in order for this to happen. Which, consequently, is extremely frustrating, and causes me to evaluate and plan – and that is apparently what I’m not supposed to do. Don’t get me wrong, I am so extremely thankful for everything I have, good and bad. I get it. I know what I need to do, but it’s hard. I want to take advice from my 5 year old and scream – You’re not fair!

And when Cadyn does this, we tell her that although she may be angry and frustrated with us, she gets to make the choice about how she responds. Parents’ rule is final, and she can either accept it and move on or make the choice to react negatively – insert cry, whine, kick, scream, sob, etc, etc, etc. And, as I’ve come to learn now that I am a parent, most of my lessons are taught by Cadyn and the advice we give her. I may think I am in control, but I’m really not. And what I think I need right now, is apparently only what I want. And in order for me to make it through to another day, I have to trust and be thankful. For when we are sad or negative, those beautiful gifts are overlooked.

Our lives are not based on the events/tragedies/the “not fairs” that happen to us, but rather, how we respond to those situations.

Flash forward to today, with all the good and bad we've been through the past 10 years, I get it - “at last I see the light.” I mean, Rapunzel and Flynn Rider definitely have the right idea - look at these lyrics,

All those days, chasing down a daydream/All those years, living in a blur/ All that time, never truly seeing/Things the way they were.../And at last I see the light/And it's like the fog has lifted..../And at last I see the light/And it's like the sky is new/And it's warm and real and bright/ And the world has somehow shifted/All at once everything is different/Now that I see you.

In the ten years that Jona and I have been married (TEN years! Yikes! J ), we have experienced the beauty of life both through the birth of our daughter and through the passing of my parents. We have struggled with infertility, we have celebrated the life that we have made together, enjoying both the extreme ups and downs. We have loved and will continue to love fiercely and wholeheartedly. We are so blessed....and on April 17 (the two year anniversary of my dad's passing), we learned that while God is good all the time, He decided that maybe we needed a little extra good news. It has been a long 4 years, and much to our unexpected surprise – Baby Boy Anderson is due December 26, 2013!

Life is good – all the time. It just gets a little foggy here and there. Y